Meh

I don't know what exactly is going on with me, but to sum it up . . .I'm just bummed out. I hate my job, and I'm sick and tired of about every little thing that goes along with it. I'm not excited about Christmas, I couldn't care less about shopping or carols or cards. Even things I like aren't doing it for me right now. Music doesn't sound good, TV is boring and I can't get through a page of a book without re-reading it twenty times.

I have felt this way from time to time, but for some reason right now it all feels more profound and hard. Not to minimize true and deeply serious depression. I'm not there. Never thee fear my loyal readers. (all five or six of you) Just bummed.

So, the lack of production, the lack of anything interesting to say all stems from this bleak, kind-of greyness surrounding the Inkster right now. So, for the time being, I'll curl up in my softie pants, drown my sorrows in Morrissey and Iced Tea, and hope for the best.

How can such a relentlessly cheerful time make me feel so shitty?

Thank You, Top 5

It is hard to believe that I haven't updated my Top 5 list since the New Year began. I have been seriously slacking in this department, but it is time to put an end to all that. So at this, the time to give thanks, I am giving thanks for hotties. More specifically, hotties I can sleep with free and clear if the opportunity presents itself. Ah, the pilgrims would be so proud.

1) Henry Rollins - I am ever so thankful that Henry is still number one in my heart.

2) Lee Pace - (pictured above) The adorable pie maker from ABC's Pushing Daisies. I love him. I don't know where he's been all my life, but he is amazing. An impressive placement, for a first timer.

3) Michael C. Hall - The star of Six Feet Under and Dexter is looking mighty yummy, and I never noticed before. How dare I?

4) Rob Morrow - This star of CBS's Numb3rs was Joel Fleischman on Northern Exposure. Now he's in his 40's and looking better than ever. God bless America.

5) Bear Grylls - He eats a lot of gross stuff, but in addition to being handy to have around, he has a real tendency to get naked at the drop of a hat. Always a plus.

So, there you have it. Thanksgiving Top 5. Always delicious.

Making Mischeif

Sometimes I feel compelled to do things I know I shouldn't. Like every time I step foot on an airplane, I feel this overwhelming urge to say the word bomb. More specifically, I want to say the phrase Ready with the bombs, buddy. It is from the South Park movie, and it just comes in to my head as soon as my butt is in that tiny seat.

Like in church. I don't go very often, but every time I am in a church, I have to fight the desire to giggle at something inconsequential. The laughter then grows and becomes hard to contain. The next thing you know, you are getting the stink eye from other, more godly parishioners.

Well, it is fall and all over town there are people gathering leaves and placing them near curbs for pick up. I see these painstakingly crafted mounds and I have only one thought. To run through, and mess up these pristine piles of leaves and put them right back where they came from. It would be a sight to behold, watching some hapless husband walk out on to his front lawn and see all his hard work, all those leaves scattered right back where they started. His wife would yell, "I thought I told you to rake up those leaves!"

And, he would protest, but she wouldn't believe him. All because I feel the need to do things I know I shouldn't. But, it sure would be fun to play in all those leaves.

Ready with the bombs, buddy!!!

Stop Ruining Everything, Geeks!!

I've just about had it with people. Why is everyone out to ruin everything I watch on television? It is no secret I love Man vs. Wild. So, some douche bag comes along and says "Hey sorry, loyal viewers, shit's not real." Thanks for the newsflash, asshole. It's television. Of course it's not real. Some of the scenes are staged? The hell you say. What am I? An idiot. I don't need people to protect me from the fact that television isn't real. I get that. Now, with all the disclaimers and bullshit, the show sucks. So, thanks. You succeeded in ruining the show for me.

God forbid things aren't real on television. Except when it comes to all these fucking sci-fi shows and the geeks who spend countless hours rehashing them and comparing them to things and basically sucking any life out of them. Lost, Heros, Battlestar . . .FUCK OFF AND DIE!! Who cares which manga/anime/comic book this shit is based on? I don't care which graphic novel is cited heavily in the episode. You all suck. Everything isn't Star Trek. It doesn't need to be dissected. Don't start websites devoted to "figuring out" what Lost means. You'll find out soon enough, and then you're life will really be over. Just let it be.

For all people's crying about shows like The Office not being enough like a real office, they don't seem to mind time portals or purgatory or dead cheerleader crap on other shows. I see, for that you can suspend disbelief. But not for anything else. Makes perfect sense.

Just leave my television alone. Let me watch in peace, without having to watch a webisode and show up at this bathroom stall at midnight to find out what the show was really about. It's television. Just watch it.

My Month Without Pants, Part 2

As promised, more low-lights from my time on the couch.

There is really only one advantage to having your leg in a cast. Someone getting stuff for you. My dear Greazy had to be my slave boy for nearly 5 weeks. Bringing me drinks, getting me snacks, helping me get up the stairs. He was a trooper and didn't complain too much. At least not until the end, when I was crutching around like an old pro.

The other perk of being a temporary cripple is the day time television. From previous posts, you know I love Maury, and he is on about 10 times a day. But, there is only so much baby daddy drama one can take. Luckily there are lots of options for television. Reruns of classics like MASH. Soap operas. And, god bless TiVo. How I loved it so.

When people are mobile and not hopping on one foot, you rarely think about trying to get off a toilet with only one leg. Give it a try sometime. Go ahead, I'll wait. It's not so simple is it. It is a fucking chore. Until you go somewhere and discover the handicapped toilet is actually made for this express purpose. I'd have one in my house by now if it didn't look so odd.

The last installment . . .creepy doctors, STD and freedom.