Thursday, July 27, 2006

I'm 'apposed to get pudding!

I've heard rumors of The State coming out on DVD, but until then, here are clips of my favorite skits. Awwww YEAH!!!

Louie -- $240 -- LuvSeat

Feel the love.

I Can Only Imagine

*This guy is living my dream. How do I get his job?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Oh my God, Did you see that?

So, I've mentioned it before, but, I've been to a lot of concerts lately. Which by default means, I see a lot of weird and funny shit. Not to sound like some old person, but, things have sure changed since I used to go to so many shows. But, on the plus side, there are a whole new class of interesting people to make fun of. The old favorites are still there, but they have been joined by a new generation of crazy. Half the reason I'm going to these concerts is the people watching. So, here is a short list of the greatest people you are going to see at a show.


*Overly Slutty Girl, with Parent--Now, the overly slutty girl at a concert is nothing new. But, what is new is the presence of a parent with her. Not dropping her off. There is no hiding the garb under baggy shirts and jackets and as soon as the parents drive off, she reveals her slutty wears. I mean, they are with her at the show, and have clearly approved the wardrobe before they left home. This is one that would have never happened to me, as my mom would have never let me don stilletos and a mini to go to concert, let alone stay for the show and rock with me. To that end. . .

*Moms and Dads in the crowd-- Again, this didn't really happen much in my day. Parents dropped you off, implored you to be good, and left, presumably to kill time until they had to begrudgingly pick you up. There was no staying. NONE! Now, they are everywhere. You can't swing a cat at shows without seeing them. And, more scary, are the one's that seem to be there alone. Rocking the concert tee and mom jeans, they are more and more common at shows these days.

*White guy with afro-- Again, these boys existed back in the day (Wednesday). But, they were at home doing math homework, busy trying to think of a way to tell Angela Chase they liked her. (if you don't get it, I can't help you) They were not rockin' the pit with the Goth kids.

*Costume/Prop Guy or Girl-- These committed folks love the band so much, they are willing to dress up in full regalia to show their devotion. This can include, depending on the situation: top hats, canes, corsets, veils, suits, suspenders, flower bouquets, teddy bears, full face make-up or any combination of these.

These people keep me busy before and after shows, as well as during shitty opening bands. So, thanks kids. I appreciate you. Keep on keepin' on.


June 5, 2005 thru July 25, 2006:

Concerts seen: 15
Total Bands/Acts seen: 27
Different Venues Visited: 12
Total distance traveled: Approx. 2200 miles
Average Ticket Price: $28
Partners in Crime: 3
Worth it?: Fucking right

Friday, July 14, 2006

This is War, Peacock!

When describing situations in life that are tough, most people go one of two ways. The analogy is either war or sports. I've decided to go with war. So, if you will permit me the hyperbole, I am going to put my current work situations into a new perspective. Join me at DEFCON 1, here we go.

I am currently engaged in two separate battles, in one big war for domination of my workplace environment. I am up against an enemy that threatens my very way of life with its actions. They don't seem to care who they hurt, just as long as they make their point. But, I refuse to let these coworkers make me afraid, or tell me how to live. Freedom will prevail.

The first battle was started some time ago. It started innocently enough, but in recent weeks has been escalated through a series of attacks and counter-attacks. The source of this battle? The radio. We have a choice of three horrible soft rock stations to listen to at work. I pick the least offensive one that still offers a few decent songs. The others, my foes in these battles for Sovereignty, choose the most offensive one of the bunch. We're talking about Tony Orlando and Dawn here, people. Every time I am out of the office, they change the station. Every time I come back, I change it back. This has been going on at a relentless pace for months now. I refuse to back down, and it appears they will continue with the sneak attacks, undaunted by my brazen daylight counter-offensives.

The other battle is new, and in my opinion, even more insidious. This battle threatens my very soul. The thermostat. Oh, yes. It appears that even though it is 90+ degrees outside, the skinny-minnie-jack-booted-thugs I am up against, still think the thermostat should say 79. I refuse to let that stand, and I turn it down to 74. Again, they employ sneak attacks to make their moves. I, again, opt for the straight forward, "shock and awe" approach of open air strikes. They also employ psychological warfare, by asking me if I am hot at a given moment. If I say no, they take that as an okay to change the temperature. They are sneaky, sneaky bastards.

So, I refuse to give up on either of these fronts. This war will be long, and there may not be any easy way out. But, I can't just cut and run, when things get a little tough. I have to stay and fight. My very survival just may depend on it. At the very least, my sanity and my comfort. Well, same thing, really.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

F*&^% those Fireworks!!!


Here it is the 4th of July, when the majority of America is in celebratory mode. And, I find myself in the silent minority. The minority of people who have a deep and powerful hatred of fireworks.

I know this sounds like an odd thing to hate, but hear me out. I used to like fireworks, a bit. They were a special occasion kind of thing. You'd be dragged once a year to a field, or a parking lot, to view a big-ass show. You'd watch, you'd go home and that would be that. But, somewhere along the line, fireworks became this all-the-fucking-time kind of thing. Anything at all warranted fireworks. Other holidays started getting in on the act. Then it was parties. Then weddings. Home runs. Any excuse at all have fireworks.

But, I think it really all came to a head for me the summer I worked for a minor league baseball team. They had fireworks every Thursday and Saturday night. All summer long. So, not only did that mean we had to stay later those nights at work, but we had to watch the fireworks. Doesn't sound so bad? Have you ever stopped to consider what fireworks leave behind after they go off? Of course not. Why would you? But, the day you are asked to pick up tiny pieces of burnt debris from baseball field after a fireworks display, the joy is all but gone.

So, as I sit here, listening to my redneck neighbors set off their bottle rockets, I am reminded yet again of the fact that fireworks are truly the most annoying phenomenon on earth. Color me a non-patriot if you must, Toby Keith. I can take it. But, I still have to say, I FUCKING HATE FIREWORKS!!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Couldn't Agree More


I thought this Postsecret said it all. . .