It's that time of year again. The time of giving, sharing, joy and candy. And, for many of us, it's is the unlucky time of the Secret Santa. You know, draw a name out of a hat, and buy them some crappy present for under $15 dollars. Most of us have done this at some point in our lives, and I don't know about you, but I always get the shaft. I remember once in elementary school, we did Secret Santa. I bought my person a hardcover book, and I got . . wait for it . . a tiny plastic horse. I didn't even like horses!! Clearly, this person spent all of $1.50 on me, and I spent at least $10 on them.
Fast forward many years later, and here I am again. The receiver of the worst Secret Santa gift, yet again. I watched everyone open their good gifts, that actually required some thought. For my trouble this year, I got two small stuffed dogs. I KNOW!! What is that about, you ask? No idea. So, I am here to help all of you suffering this year, with instructions on how to fake the right reaction to your horrible gift.
The first thing is to react quickly. Don't think about how shitty the gift is, and say something like "Oh, wow. Thank you so much. I love it." Try and avoid eye contact as much as possible. Look at the gift, and seem to study it, as if you're trying to examine all the greatness. Smile big, and maybe even (at least in my case) hug it close to you. That is all you need to make most people believe you are not super pissed about it. Some will not be fooled, but as long as the giver (if you can call them that) doesn't suspect, you're home free.
I call on all people to think when giving these gifts. I know it's a drag, but there is someone counting on you, and you don't want to let them down. And if all else fails, how about a GOD DAMNED GIFT CARD?!! How hard is that?