I want a job where I can be wrong almost all the time. A job where I can take pot shots at people who are actually doing what I can only dream about, and cut them down. I want to say one thing one day, and then when I am proven wrong, be able to sidestep my original opinion for a more popular one. I want to make bold predictions, and then disown them the moment they don't happen. I want to hold someone up, put them on a pedestal and worship them. Then, I want to knock them down, spit on them and turn my back when they "fail" me. In short, I want to be a sports writer.
As a late comer to the world of sports (more specifically talking about sports) I view these jobs with envy. I want to shout my opinions to anyone who will listen, and then be able to backpedal faster than Lance Armstrong trying to avoid dog doo-doo. At my job, accuracy is one of the most important parts. I think it would be tremendously freeing to have a job where my performance is based not on how well I actually do my job, but how loudly I can say something and how deftly I can disguise the fact that it is a pile of crap.
All I want is the chance to pontificate about how absolutely essential it is for a certain athlete to do something, and then when it happens, move the goal post back another 50 yards and start again. And, when I can't find fault with an athlete's performance, I will find fault with his/her so called character. For writers, this usually means picking apart their comments, TV ads or shoe color. Anything to bring him or her back down to earth. So, I can feel superior. And, if you offend someone, well, just get them to yell at you, and you'll have column fodder for the rest of your career.
So, where do I sign up? It sounds like so much fun, like a dream actually. Believe me, I am an overly opinionated, mean, angry, grumpy person. Let me at these over-paid, over-blown, over-hyped jerks that I want to spend my life talking about.
1 comment:
I’ve always thought that sports writers and broadcasters should have their own “stats” so when they are wrong we will be able to point it out. Someone out there in the blogosphere should record ever game prediction, summary judgment on a player, coach or draft pick and rate the writers on this info.
You know there was some writer in Philly who said the Eagles should have passed on Donavan McNabb when he was drafted, and then wrote great articles about how great he was only to call for his job once 37 year old Jeff Garcia came along. There should be someone to call him out, and Peter Gamonds too, for all the trades he says are ‘in the works’ but never turn out. Sounds like a job for Inky and Greazy!
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