Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I am so sad that my favorite Golden Girl, Sophia, has passed away. I always found her to be a kindred spirit, and the character on the show with the best lines.
Check out the reruns on Lifetime if you don't know what I am talking about. Here are some of my favorite Sophia-isms.
"Maybe the paperboy is right, maybe I am just a mean old lady."
"I lived eighty, eighty-one years, I survived two world wars, pneumonia, a stroke and two operations. One night I'll belch, and Stable Mabel here will blow my head off!"
"Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked."
"There's two things us Sicilians know... When pasta sticks to the wall - it's done... when a body sticks to cement - it's dead."
"Jealousy is an ugly thing Dorothy, and so are you in anything backless."
"Please. Dust reminds you of something that happened back in St. Olaf."
Rose: "Sophia, do you think it's wrong for a girl to sleep with a man on their first date?
Sophia: "It's a sin."
Rose: "See, Sophia agrees with me!
Sophia: "No, all I said was it's a sin. Personally I'd go back to eating fish on Fridays if His Holiness gave that one the green light!"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Recently, Greazy and I were in Australia, enjoying the countryside on our way back to the big city. We didn't know it at the time, but we violated the Victorian speed limit, and would be receiving a ticket upon our return to the states.
Needless to say, we were both pissed, and after weighing our options, decided to pay the ticket to ensure no difficulties when we return down under.
Our argument was simple. 100kph is 60mph. We were going the equivalent of 64mph. Is that really such a big deal? It wasn't like we were going 80mph or anything. We believed that there was little harm to be done at that speed, so we asked the next logical question. Why the big stick up the bum Vickie?
As you know, I never get tired of being right. Turns out 100kph isn't so bad after all. Not only can a koala survive being hit at 100kph, it can hang on while you drag it another 12km, with its gray ass hanging out of your grill. So, come on Victoria, loosen up. It isn't like we did anything this bad. But, you got your money, now call off the Solicitor General!
*I do not, in any way, advocate the hitting or dragging of koalas. I, unlike the New Yorker, can pull off satire.