I've heard rumors of The State coming out on DVD, but until then, here are clips of my favorite skits. Awwww YEAH!!!
Louie -- $240 -- LuvSeat
Feel the love.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Oh my God, Did you see that?
So, I've mentioned it before, but, I've been to a lot of concerts lately. Which by default means, I see a lot of weird and funny shit. Not to sound like some old person, but, things have sure changed since I used to go to so many shows. But, on the plus side, there are a whole new class of interesting people to make fun of. The old favorites are still there, but they have been joined by a new generation of crazy. Half the reason I'm going to these concerts is the people watching. So, here is a short list of the greatest people you are going to see at a show.
*Overly Slutty Girl, with Parent--Now, the overly slutty girl at a concert is nothing new. But, what is new is the presence of a parent with her. Not dropping her off. There is no hiding the garb under baggy shirts and jackets and as soon as the parents drive off, she reveals her slutty wears. I mean, they are with her at the show, and have clearly approved the wardrobe before they left home. This is one that would have never happened to me, as my mom would have never let me don stilletos and a mini to go to concert, let alone stay for the show and rock with me. To that end. . .
*Moms and Dads in the crowd-- Again, this didn't really happen much in my day. Parents dropped you off, implored you to be good, and left, presumably to kill time until they had to begrudgingly pick you up. There was no staying. NONE! Now, they are everywhere. You can't swing a cat at shows without seeing them. And, more scary, are the one's that seem to be there alone. Rocking the concert tee and mom jeans, they are more and more common at shows these days.
*White guy with afro-- Again, these boys existed back in the day (Wednesday). But, they were at home doing math homework, busy trying to think of a way to tell Angela Chase they liked her. (if you don't get it, I can't help you) They were not rockin' the pit with the Goth kids.
*Costume/Prop Guy or Girl-- These committed folks love the band so much, they are willing to dress up in full regalia to show their devotion. This can include, depending on the situation: top hats, canes, corsets, veils, suits, suspenders, flower bouquets, teddy bears, full face make-up or any combination of these.
These people keep me busy before and after shows, as well as during shitty opening bands. So, thanks kids. I appreciate you. Keep on keepin' on.
June 5, 2005 thru July 25, 2006:
Concerts seen: 15
Total Bands/Acts seen: 27
Different Venues Visited: 12
Total distance traveled: Approx. 2200 miles
Average Ticket Price: $28
Partners in Crime: 3
Worth it?: Fucking right
*Overly Slutty Girl, with Parent--Now, the overly slutty girl at a concert is nothing new. But, what is new is the presence of a parent with her. Not dropping her off. There is no hiding the garb under baggy shirts and jackets and as soon as the parents drive off, she reveals her slutty wears. I mean, they are with her at the show, and have clearly approved the wardrobe before they left home. This is one that would have never happened to me, as my mom would have never let me don stilletos and a mini to go to concert, let alone stay for the show and rock with me. To that end. . .
*Moms and Dads in the crowd-- Again, this didn't really happen much in my day. Parents dropped you off, implored you to be good, and left, presumably to kill time until they had to begrudgingly pick you up. There was no staying. NONE! Now, they are everywhere. You can't swing a cat at shows without seeing them. And, more scary, are the one's that seem to be there alone. Rocking the concert tee and mom jeans, they are more and more common at shows these days.
*White guy with afro-- Again, these boys existed back in the day (Wednesday). But, they were at home doing math homework, busy trying to think of a way to tell Angela Chase they liked her. (if you don't get it, I can't help you) They were not rockin' the pit with the Goth kids.
*Costume/Prop Guy or Girl-- These committed folks love the band so much, they are willing to dress up in full regalia to show their devotion. This can include, depending on the situation: top hats, canes, corsets, veils, suits, suspenders, flower bouquets, teddy bears, full face make-up or any combination of these.
These people keep me busy before and after shows, as well as during shitty opening bands. So, thanks kids. I appreciate you. Keep on keepin' on.
June 5, 2005 thru July 25, 2006:
Concerts seen: 15
Total Bands/Acts seen: 27
Different Venues Visited: 12
Total distance traveled: Approx. 2200 miles
Average Ticket Price: $28
Partners in Crime: 3
Worth it?: Fucking right
Friday, July 14, 2006
This is War, Peacock!
When describing situations in life that are tough, most people go one of two ways. The analogy is either war or sports. I've decided to go with war. So, if you will permit me the hyperbole, I am going to put my current work situations into a new perspective. Join me at DEFCON 1, here we go.
I am currently engaged in two separate battles, in one big war for domination of my workplace environment. I am up against an enemy that threatens my very way of life with its actions. They don't seem to care who they hurt, just as long as they make their point. But, I refuse to let these coworkers make me afraid, or tell me how to live. Freedom will prevail.
The first battle was started some time ago. It started innocently enough, but in recent weeks has been escalated through a series of attacks and counter-attacks. The source of this battle? The radio. We have a choice of three horrible soft rock stations to listen to at work. I pick the least offensive one that still offers a few decent songs. The others, my foes in these battles for Sovereignty, choose the most offensive one of the bunch. We're talking about Tony Orlando and Dawn here, people. Every time I am out of the office, they change the station. Every time I come back, I change it back. This has been going on at a relentless pace for months now. I refuse to back down, and it appears they will continue with the sneak attacks, undaunted by my brazen daylight counter-offensives.
The other battle is new, and in my opinion, even more insidious. This battle threatens my very soul. The thermostat. Oh, yes. It appears that even though it is 90+ degrees outside, the skinny-minnie-jack-booted-thugs I am up against, still think the thermostat should say 79. I refuse to let that stand, and I turn it down to 74. Again, they employ sneak attacks to make their moves. I, again, opt for the straight forward, "shock and awe" approach of open air strikes. They also employ psychological warfare, by asking me if I am hot at a given moment. If I say no, they take that as an okay to change the temperature. They are sneaky, sneaky bastards.
So, I refuse to give up on either of these fronts. This war will be long, and there may not be any easy way out. But, I can't just cut and run, when things get a little tough. I have to stay and fight. My very survival just may depend on it. At the very least, my sanity and my comfort. Well, same thing, really.
I am currently engaged in two separate battles, in one big war for domination of my workplace environment. I am up against an enemy that threatens my very way of life with its actions. They don't seem to care who they hurt, just as long as they make their point. But, I refuse to let these coworkers make me afraid, or tell me how to live. Freedom will prevail.
The first battle was started some time ago. It started innocently enough, but in recent weeks has been escalated through a series of attacks and counter-attacks. The source of this battle? The radio. We have a choice of three horrible soft rock stations to listen to at work. I pick the least offensive one that still offers a few decent songs. The others, my foes in these battles for Sovereignty, choose the most offensive one of the bunch. We're talking about Tony Orlando and Dawn here, people. Every time I am out of the office, they change the station. Every time I come back, I change it back. This has been going on at a relentless pace for months now. I refuse to back down, and it appears they will continue with the sneak attacks, undaunted by my brazen daylight counter-offensives.
The other battle is new, and in my opinion, even more insidious. This battle threatens my very soul. The thermostat. Oh, yes. It appears that even though it is 90+ degrees outside, the skinny-minnie-jack-booted-thugs I am up against, still think the thermostat should say 79. I refuse to let that stand, and I turn it down to 74. Again, they employ sneak attacks to make their moves. I, again, opt for the straight forward, "shock and awe" approach of open air strikes. They also employ psychological warfare, by asking me if I am hot at a given moment. If I say no, they take that as an okay to change the temperature. They are sneaky, sneaky bastards.
So, I refuse to give up on either of these fronts. This war will be long, and there may not be any easy way out. But, I can't just cut and run, when things get a little tough. I have to stay and fight. My very survival just may depend on it. At the very least, my sanity and my comfort. Well, same thing, really.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
F*&^% those Fireworks!!!
Here it is the 4th of July, when the majority of America is in celebratory mode. And, I find myself in the silent minority. The minority of people who have a deep and powerful hatred of fireworks.
I know this sounds like an odd thing to hate, but hear me out. I used to like fireworks, a bit. They were a special occasion kind of thing. You'd be dragged once a year to a field, or a parking lot, to view a big-ass show. You'd watch, you'd go home and that would be that. But, somewhere along the line, fireworks became this all-the-fucking-time kind of thing. Anything at all warranted fireworks. Other holidays started getting in on the act. Then it was parties. Then weddings. Home runs. Any excuse at all have fireworks.
But, I think it really all came to a head for me the summer I worked for a minor league baseball team. They had fireworks every Thursday and Saturday night. All summer long. So, not only did that mean we had to stay later those nights at work, but we had to watch the fireworks. Doesn't sound so bad? Have you ever stopped to consider what fireworks leave behind after they go off? Of course not. Why would you? But, the day you are asked to pick up tiny pieces of burnt debris from baseball field after a fireworks display, the joy is all but gone.
So, as I sit here, listening to my redneck neighbors set off their bottle rockets, I am reminded yet again of the fact that fireworks are truly the most annoying phenomenon on earth. Color me a non-patriot if you must, Toby Keith. I can take it. But, I still have to say, I FUCKING HATE FIREWORKS!!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Top 25 Albums, Part 5
5) Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique
No matter how many records they put out, this one is still my favorite. I just think it is the most fun and the most interesting. "Sounds of Science" and "Shake Your Rump" still make me want to dance.
4) Dinosaur Jr - You're Living All Over Me
Seeing them in concert (finally) this year reminded me how much this album burned up my car stereo. As far as I'm concerned, this record is a must have.
3) Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory
A record that made me appreciate how great a pop song can be. There was a time when I listened to this record non-stop for about 8 hours. And, it only made me love it more. Another great live band, too.
2) Cure - Disintegration
The Cure don't need to be justified.
AND THE ONE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR > > > > >
1) The Smiths - The Queen is Dead
I know, I know, you're all sitting there saying "Meat is Murder" is better. But, fuck you, you are wrong. This album is by far and away better, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. A truly life-changing and influential record. It kind of changed the whole course of where my tastes were musically. Who hasn't wanted to hear someone say "To die by your side, well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine." Lyrically and sonically perfect.
So there it is, my list. Like it? Hate it? So be it. It was fun, though.
No matter how many records they put out, this one is still my favorite. I just think it is the most fun and the most interesting. "Sounds of Science" and "Shake Your Rump" still make me want to dance.
4) Dinosaur Jr - You're Living All Over Me
Seeing them in concert (finally) this year reminded me how much this album burned up my car stereo. As far as I'm concerned, this record is a must have.
3) Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory
A record that made me appreciate how great a pop song can be. There was a time when I listened to this record non-stop for about 8 hours. And, it only made me love it more. Another great live band, too.
2) Cure - Disintegration
The Cure don't need to be justified.
AND THE ONE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR > > > > >
1) The Smiths - The Queen is Dead
I know, I know, you're all sitting there saying "Meat is Murder" is better. But, fuck you, you are wrong. This album is by far and away better, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. A truly life-changing and influential record. It kind of changed the whole course of where my tastes were musically. Who hasn't wanted to hear someone say "To die by your side, well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine." Lyrically and sonically perfect.
So there it is, my list. Like it? Hate it? So be it. It was fun, though.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Top 25 Albums, Part 4
10) Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out
Sleater-Kinney first caught my attention with this record. It was hard to pick a favorite with these ladies, but I think this one still wins. They just announced their "indefinite hiatus." And, by some stroke of amazing luck, I'm catching one of their last shows in Philly on July 31st.
9) Pixies - Doolittle
I don't know what to say about this record that hasn't already been said. I just love it. It may be a little cliche, but I don't care.
8) Fugazi - 13 Songs
Amazing, amazing, amazing. "Waiting Room" is one of my all-time favorite songs. Can't think of a bad tune on this one.
7) Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
If there is one cure for wanting to put my fist through a plate glass window, it is cranking this CD up to 11 and screaming along. Also, it reminds me of some great times, oddly enough. Plus, you know how I feel about Trent.
6) Jane's Addiction - Ritual de lo Habitual
A better record from the 90's you'd be hard pressed to find. Another classic from my youth that I never get tired of. Still have the worn out cassette.
Sleater-Kinney first caught my attention with this record. It was hard to pick a favorite with these ladies, but I think this one still wins. They just announced their "indefinite hiatus." And, by some stroke of amazing luck, I'm catching one of their last shows in Philly on July 31st.
9) Pixies - Doolittle
I don't know what to say about this record that hasn't already been said. I just love it. It may be a little cliche, but I don't care.
8) Fugazi - 13 Songs
Amazing, amazing, amazing. "Waiting Room" is one of my all-time favorite songs. Can't think of a bad tune on this one.
7) Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
If there is one cure for wanting to put my fist through a plate glass window, it is cranking this CD up to 11 and screaming along. Also, it reminds me of some great times, oddly enough. Plus, you know how I feel about Trent.
6) Jane's Addiction - Ritual de lo Habitual
A better record from the 90's you'd be hard pressed to find. Another classic from my youth that I never get tired of. Still have the worn out cassette.
Jesus, Top 5 Again?!
*Dane, if you are going to persist in sleeping with Jessica Simpson, you're out! Welcome back Ewan McGregor to Number 4, I've missed you.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Top 25 Albums, Part 3
15) Bettie Serveert - Palomine
Top to bottom, their best record. Some damn catchy songs on this one. While I am a fan of their other albums as well, this is one that I can put on repeat and listen to all day. For the uninitiated, I would start here.
14) Hey Mercedes - Loses Control
I fucking love this band, and this record. They broke up in '04, but I still play this thing like it is going out of style. Almost all the tracks are some of the most-played songs on my iPod. I just never seem to get tired of it. As a matter of fact, I did my first post on this blog about this record.
13) Versus - The Stars are Insane
I am such a big fan of this band, this record and even all their side projects. Of which there are many. So much of this album reminds me of tremendously good times. It is fall back record for any occasion. I feel it is their best.
12) Green Day - Dookie
As a product of the 90's, this record made a huge splash. Fast, fun and catchy, it was the non-stop companion to my late high school years. Perfect for driving around to.
11) That Dog - Retreat from The Sun
These bitches can harmonize like nobody's business. They kick it with the violin and keyboards and still rock really hard. This one is also attached to a lot of good times. Great album to sing with, as long as you have some friends with you to sing back up.
Top to bottom, their best record. Some damn catchy songs on this one. While I am a fan of their other albums as well, this is one that I can put on repeat and listen to all day. For the uninitiated, I would start here.
14) Hey Mercedes - Loses Control
I fucking love this band, and this record. They broke up in '04, but I still play this thing like it is going out of style. Almost all the tracks are some of the most-played songs on my iPod. I just never seem to get tired of it. As a matter of fact, I did my first post on this blog about this record.
13) Versus - The Stars are Insane
I am such a big fan of this band, this record and even all their side projects. Of which there are many. So much of this album reminds me of tremendously good times. It is fall back record for any occasion. I feel it is their best.
12) Green Day - Dookie
As a product of the 90's, this record made a huge splash. Fast, fun and catchy, it was the non-stop companion to my late high school years. Perfect for driving around to.
11) That Dog - Retreat from The Sun
These bitches can harmonize like nobody's business. They kick it with the violin and keyboards and still rock really hard. This one is also attached to a lot of good times. Great album to sing with, as long as you have some friends with you to sing back up.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Top 25 Albums, Part 2
20) Dead Milkmen - Beelzebubba
These guys crack me up. They are silly, geeky and write the funniest songs. "Stuart" made such a big impression on me that it became my senior quote in my yearbook. Of course, this is also the record that contains "Punk Rock Girl" which brought them their MTV success. I still fancy this one the best, although you really can't go wrong with most of their catalogue.
19) Missy Higgins - The Sound of White
Going on a trip to Australia brought me many things, including some great Aussie music. Missy Higgins is a cute-as-a-button singer/songwriter that sings about love, loss and finding your own way. Her songs got us over the Pacific Ocean and trailed us down the Great Ocean Road. It is all at once sad and beautiful. For someone so young, she packs such an emotional punch. If you've never heard her, do yourself a favor and check her out.
18) Liz Phair - Whipsmart
Everyone always says her best record is "Exile in Guyville", but I disagree. I think that Whipsmart is by far her best. Despite all the recent cries of sellout from the hipsters, I still think that Liz Phair is a rockin' indie chick.
17) Velocity Girl - Simpatico
Sweet and infectious pop songs. That is what Velocity Girl does.
16) Descendents - All
When I first heard "Coolidge", I fell in love with the Descendents. West coast punk at it's finest.
These guys crack me up. They are silly, geeky and write the funniest songs. "Stuart" made such a big impression on me that it became my senior quote in my yearbook. Of course, this is also the record that contains "Punk Rock Girl" which brought them their MTV success. I still fancy this one the best, although you really can't go wrong with most of their catalogue.
19) Missy Higgins - The Sound of White
Going on a trip to Australia brought me many things, including some great Aussie music. Missy Higgins is a cute-as-a-button singer/songwriter that sings about love, loss and finding your own way. Her songs got us over the Pacific Ocean and trailed us down the Great Ocean Road. It is all at once sad and beautiful. For someone so young, she packs such an emotional punch. If you've never heard her, do yourself a favor and check her out.
18) Liz Phair - Whipsmart
Everyone always says her best record is "Exile in Guyville", but I disagree. I think that Whipsmart is by far her best. Despite all the recent cries of sellout from the hipsters, I still think that Liz Phair is a rockin' indie chick.
17) Velocity Girl - Simpatico
Sweet and infectious pop songs. That is what Velocity Girl does.
16) Descendents - All
When I first heard "Coolidge", I fell in love with the Descendents. West coast punk at it's finest.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Top 25 Albums, Part 1
Well, here it is. My Top 25 albums. These albums all mean a great deal to me. They either mark a significant time in my life, a real turning point for me musically or they just plain kick ass. Sorry, there is really no profound new ground here. No Miles Davis, Beatles or anything like that. Just the stuff that keeps me going to this day; the stuff that never gets old and probably never will. The stuff that, for the most part, takes me back to a great place in my life. And, to a large extent, became the soundtrack to my life.
25) Madonna - Like a Virgin
This was the first LP I owned that didn't have a picture of Barbie on it. It was also from a time when I loved, nay, worshiped Madonna. I had my walls plastered with her pictures, the jelly bracelets, everything. I memorized every dance and every move. She was sexy, intimidating and awesome. I wanted to be her so bad, but knew I never could. The songs, in my opinion, are still her best.
24) Cyndi Lauper - She's So Unusual
If Madonna was the sexy woman I could never be, Cyndi was the crazy chick I could be if my parents would just let me dye my hair orange. She was manic and fun and an amazing song writer. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" is still one of my favorite songs. It was a battle cry, before I was even old enough to know what kind of "fun" I wanted to have. Classic.
23) The The - Mind Bomb
Edgy, moody, British. All the things that us young and clueless hipsters wanted so desperately to be. This album was full of dark images, religion, sex and Matt Johnson's amazing and haunting voice. It didn't hurt that my brother's college roommate was a fan, and I had a huge crush on him. It was just perfect for the budding rebel in me.
22) They Might Be Giants - Flood
One of my all time favorite albums to sing along to. It was full of the most ridiculous and fun songs. Whether or not they make any sense, I can't tell you. But, who needs to understand "Triangle Man" or "Birdhouse in Your Soul"? You just love them. And, I did. Still one album that can always lift my mood.
21) Ween - The Pod
The first Ween LP I owned. Amazing, crazy and full of so much energy. These guys were as weird as anything I had ever heard, and I fell in love with their outrageous style. They were quasi-local and it made them seem more accessible and down to earth. The legend is the boys had mono when they recorded this record, and that supposedly led to the craziness. Who knows? While subsequent releases may be "better" this one will always be my favorite.
So, there are the first 5, more to come. . .
25) Madonna - Like a Virgin
This was the first LP I owned that didn't have a picture of Barbie on it. It was also from a time when I loved, nay, worshiped Madonna. I had my walls plastered with her pictures, the jelly bracelets, everything. I memorized every dance and every move. She was sexy, intimidating and awesome. I wanted to be her so bad, but knew I never could. The songs, in my opinion, are still her best.
24) Cyndi Lauper - She's So Unusual
If Madonna was the sexy woman I could never be, Cyndi was the crazy chick I could be if my parents would just let me dye my hair orange. She was manic and fun and an amazing song writer. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" is still one of my favorite songs. It was a battle cry, before I was even old enough to know what kind of "fun" I wanted to have. Classic.
23) The The - Mind Bomb
Edgy, moody, British. All the things that us young and clueless hipsters wanted so desperately to be. This album was full of dark images, religion, sex and Matt Johnson's amazing and haunting voice. It didn't hurt that my brother's college roommate was a fan, and I had a huge crush on him. It was just perfect for the budding rebel in me.
22) They Might Be Giants - Flood
One of my all time favorite albums to sing along to. It was full of the most ridiculous and fun songs. Whether or not they make any sense, I can't tell you. But, who needs to understand "Triangle Man" or "Birdhouse in Your Soul"? You just love them. And, I did. Still one album that can always lift my mood.
21) Ween - The Pod
The first Ween LP I owned. Amazing, crazy and full of so much energy. These guys were as weird as anything I had ever heard, and I fell in love with their outrageous style. They were quasi-local and it made them seem more accessible and down to earth. The legend is the boys had mono when they recorded this record, and that supposedly led to the craziness. Who knows? While subsequent releases may be "better" this one will always be my favorite.
So, there are the first 5, more to come. . .
Thursday, June 22, 2006
A Challenge
I was catching up with an old friend tonight, and we got to talking about picking our favorite albums, and how impossible it always seems. I have always put people off when they ask me this kind of stuff with my ever popular "I just like too much shit to pick." Well, he has thrown down the gauntlet, and I am to come up with my Top 25 albums, so we'll see how it goes. I need some time to prepare, but it should be coming soon. I don't like to think too much on these things. I just let it kind of happen, as I feel it. If I'm honest with myself, I know the albums that I like the best. They may not be on the Rolling Stone or Spin "Top any-fucking-thing-we-can-think-of list", but they are mine.
So, okay Croom. You want answers? Let's see if you can handle the truth. I shall be expecting your list as well. (Although, I'll let you slide on time due to the baby and all)
*Apparently, people seem to think I go to a lot of concerts. So, why not a couple more? She Wants Revenge on July 13 and the Waifs on August 3.
*13 shows in one year's time too much? NEVER!!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Great Expectations
As you all know, I've been going to a lot of concerts lately. Every time I'm getting ready to go, I am giddy with anticipation. I can't wait to see the band, hear what their going to play, creating my dream set list in my head. I admit, when paying money to see a band, I have certain expectations.
I want to see passion, I want to see excitement, and yes, I want to hear the hits. I don't think this is too out of the ordinary. No one wants to see the Stones and not hear "Satisfaction." I am not, however, one of those people who feels the need to call out song names. That has always irritated me. Because, if it's the name of a popular song, you have to think that it occurred to the band to play it, before you mentioned it. And, if it's obscure, the person is so obviously doing it to try and sound hip and cool.
When we saw Dinosaur Jr, they had reformed the original line up, so they were not going play anything but the first three albums, which featured the original members. That was fine with me, but I'm sure there were some in the crowd upset by not hearing "Feel the Pain." The first two times I saw Morrissey, I remember talking with friends about how great it would have been to hear some old Smiths tunes. But, he didn't play them. Now he does. Most bands, if they've been around for a while, could play for hours and still not get to everything, so sometimes you just have to let some of the big songs go. It may suck, but it's a fact of life. Nine Inch Nails didn't play "Hurt", but I am willing to overlook it, since they kicked ass.
And, don't make me beg you for an encore. I am more than fine with you just playing for about 2 hours and then saying goodnight. Don't leave the stage and make me clap for 10 minutes to bring you back, when you were going to anyway. I understand that encores have become the norm, but I could do without them. Just play the show and let me go, especially if I've had to stand all night. I'm old you know, I can't do it anymore.
And, please for the love of God, don't be one those artists who disowns their old work, and wants to "live in the present." (Yes, Madonna and Billy Corgan, I'm talking to you) Those songs made you, and if you never recorded and sang them, you wouldn't be where you are today. So, listen guys, if you have that monster hit, you're going to be playing it forever. Deal with it. I'm sure the money and the stuff and the thousands of adoring fans can lessen the pain. Remember why you loved it so much in the first place, and let's hear it. . . Once more, with feeling. . .
I want to see passion, I want to see excitement, and yes, I want to hear the hits. I don't think this is too out of the ordinary. No one wants to see the Stones and not hear "Satisfaction." I am not, however, one of those people who feels the need to call out song names. That has always irritated me. Because, if it's the name of a popular song, you have to think that it occurred to the band to play it, before you mentioned it. And, if it's obscure, the person is so obviously doing it to try and sound hip and cool.
When we saw Dinosaur Jr, they had reformed the original line up, so they were not going play anything but the first three albums, which featured the original members. That was fine with me, but I'm sure there were some in the crowd upset by not hearing "Feel the Pain." The first two times I saw Morrissey, I remember talking with friends about how great it would have been to hear some old Smiths tunes. But, he didn't play them. Now he does. Most bands, if they've been around for a while, could play for hours and still not get to everything, so sometimes you just have to let some of the big songs go. It may suck, but it's a fact of life. Nine Inch Nails didn't play "Hurt", but I am willing to overlook it, since they kicked ass.
And, don't make me beg you for an encore. I am more than fine with you just playing for about 2 hours and then saying goodnight. Don't leave the stage and make me clap for 10 minutes to bring you back, when you were going to anyway. I understand that encores have become the norm, but I could do without them. Just play the show and let me go, especially if I've had to stand all night. I'm old you know, I can't do it anymore.
And, please for the love of God, don't be one those artists who disowns their old work, and wants to "live in the present." (Yes, Madonna and Billy Corgan, I'm talking to you) Those songs made you, and if you never recorded and sang them, you wouldn't be where you are today. So, listen guys, if you have that monster hit, you're going to be playing it forever. Deal with it. I'm sure the money and the stuff and the thousands of adoring fans can lessen the pain. Remember why you loved it so much in the first place, and let's hear it. . . Once more, with feeling. . .
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Top 5 Revisited
After seeing Nine Inch Nails in Camden last night, several things became clear to me. First, they put on one of the most amazing shows I've ever seen. Intensity: they've got it. And, we had primo 7th row seats, thanks to Danielle's membership in "The Spiral." But, the second thing was that Trent Reznor was looking even more delicious than I remember. He was hot. Clearly, I have been remiss in not putting him on the Top 5. And after last night, when he told me, yet again, that he wants to fuck me like an animal, who am I to not oblige?Also, there is another person that has been sneaking into my mind more and more and I feel is worthy of the Top 5 list. Dane Cook, congratulations, you silly bitch. You made it. So, whenever you want to do me, just let me know thru myspace.com
So, here it is, the new Top 5.
1) Henry Rollins
2) Dave Grohl
3) Trent Reznor
4) Dane Cook
5) Jon Stewart
So, sorry Messrs. Jackman and McGregor. Your sideburns and claws and cinematic full-frontal nudity (respectively) are no match for Trent's arms and that voice, and Dane silliness and his chest. But, don't lose hope. You never know what might happen. I'm apparently very fickle.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Death Be Not Proud
For some reason, everyone wants to talk about death lately. Recently, I was at work and my boss said something I found interesting. He said that when someone dies, it "makes us think about our own mortality." All I could think was that he had obviously never lost anyone close to him.
Sure, in the abstract, someone dying, be it a star or even someone you know a little bit, makes us think about our own death. But, when you lose someone important to you, it's not a reminder. It's not "a shame." It is a total and complete devastation. It doesn't make you think "Oh shit, I'm going to die some day." It stops everything. It means that the person you love and lived with is never walking through the door again. No more plans to be made, no more good times. It's all over. That is not abstract. It is pain, and it is real. I don't wish the pain of loss on anyone, but when I hear people make pithy comments about death, it makes me furious.
I am far beyond the point where death is an abstract concept in my life. I don't need a reminder of my own mortality. In fact, most people I know have felt far more devastation and pain than anyone deserves. Dying is unfathomable. I know people say silly things to comfort themselves and others. But, there is no comfort. Except maybe time, and for some, that is debatable. And, that is the sad lesson everyone will learn someday.
MGL - 10/45 - 4/06
Sure, in the abstract, someone dying, be it a star or even someone you know a little bit, makes us think about our own death. But, when you lose someone important to you, it's not a reminder. It's not "a shame." It is a total and complete devastation. It doesn't make you think "Oh shit, I'm going to die some day." It stops everything. It means that the person you love and lived with is never walking through the door again. No more plans to be made, no more good times. It's all over. That is not abstract. It is pain, and it is real. I don't wish the pain of loss on anyone, but when I hear people make pithy comments about death, it makes me furious.
I am far beyond the point where death is an abstract concept in my life. I don't need a reminder of my own mortality. In fact, most people I know have felt far more devastation and pain than anyone deserves. Dying is unfathomable. I know people say silly things to comfort themselves and others. But, there is no comfort. Except maybe time, and for some, that is debatable. And, that is the sad lesson everyone will learn someday.
MGL - 10/45 - 4/06
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Name That Stripper!!
I am Lola Velvet-Hooter. Indeed. What's your stipper name? Use these instructions to find out.
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new firstname:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new firstname:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Inky's Dream House
Everyone likes to play the game, of what you would do if you won the lottery. I like to envision my "dream house" and what it would contain. I would showcase it all in some MTV Cribs-style documentary, so everyone could be jealous. So here are a few must-haves for the new pad.
Closets
1. The hangers would be so fine, they would never leave shoulder nipples on anything.
2. A closet that would have a separate area for all my cherished items. These would include my shoes, cardigans, purses, t-shirts and accessories.
3. A chaise lounge in the center of the room and a chandelier a'la Mariah.
Bathrooms
1. Jacuzzi tub and a separate steam shower.
2. Separate cabinets for all my products, even though I barely use any
3. Flat screen tv and phone, for all those important calls on the crapper.
General
1. The house would be wired for sound, so I could have tunes in every room
2. Library and music room with built in shelves and those ladders like bookstores have
3. Professional kitchen so my man can cook me up some fine grub
4. Pool, fully staffed with boys in tight shorts
5. Fleet of cars, including a Mini, 2 Nash Metropolitans (one black, one pink), Vespa and a mechanic with big hands
6. Game room with Ms. Pacman, pool table, and full bar
7. Home theatre with popcorn machine, and no one is allowed to talk
These are just some of the many things I would do with my winnings. What about you?
Closets
1. The hangers would be so fine, they would never leave shoulder nipples on anything.
2. A closet that would have a separate area for all my cherished items. These would include my shoes, cardigans, purses, t-shirts and accessories.
3. A chaise lounge in the center of the room and a chandelier a'la Mariah.
Bathrooms
1. Jacuzzi tub and a separate steam shower.
2. Separate cabinets for all my products, even though I barely use any
3. Flat screen tv and phone, for all those important calls on the crapper.
General
1. The house would be wired for sound, so I could have tunes in every room
2. Library and music room with built in shelves and those ladders like bookstores have
3. Professional kitchen so my man can cook me up some fine grub
4. Pool, fully staffed with boys in tight shorts
5. Fleet of cars, including a Mini, 2 Nash Metropolitans (one black, one pink), Vespa and a mechanic with big hands
6. Game room with Ms. Pacman, pool table, and full bar
7. Home theatre with popcorn machine, and no one is allowed to talk
These are just some of the many things I would do with my winnings. What about you?
Dumbass in Distress
I encounter crazy people everyday. And, yesterday, I met a woman who took the cake. While being forced to help her, she started talking to me. In the process of the conversation, she mentioned that she had a new car, but she couldn't figure out where the air conditioning was, and how to turn it on. One of the men in the building offered to help her, and of course she jumped at the chance, since it was about 90 degrees outside.
Why is it that men fall for these stupid, or stupid-acting, women who can't seem to do anything for themselves? Could be I'm just jealous. Because I don't do this. So that means I'm stuck opening my own doors, carrying my own boxes, and yes, finding my own air conditioning. But, men are only too willing to aid these women, because most of the time they are attractive, and let's face it, not very bright. A tempting treat to most guys looking to score, or at least get a cheap ogle. Men always use the excuse that they are "just trying to be helpful", but if that were the case, their charity would be far more universal. But, as most women can tell you, that is not the case.
Now, I know not ever girl who does this is stupid. It is the height of manipulation to use your "charms" to get what you want when you know that people, men in particular, will fulfill your every request because you are semi-hot. And, to those women I say, shame on you. May you all have to live as a average woman for one day of your life, and do your own bidding.
But, this woman I encountered was truly stupid. Come on, not knowing how to turn on a car air conditioner? That is a new all time low for helplessness. In nature, she would be killed next to the watering hole by the hungry lion. But, in our society, she will get by, will the help of others. While not attractive, per se, she does possess the winning combo of thin and blonde that will no doubt carry her straight through life, unscathed.
And, before you tell me I'm just a fat, ugly, bitter, old hag; let me just say to you. . .I am not old.
Why is it that men fall for these stupid, or stupid-acting, women who can't seem to do anything for themselves? Could be I'm just jealous. Because I don't do this. So that means I'm stuck opening my own doors, carrying my own boxes, and yes, finding my own air conditioning. But, men are only too willing to aid these women, because most of the time they are attractive, and let's face it, not very bright. A tempting treat to most guys looking to score, or at least get a cheap ogle. Men always use the excuse that they are "just trying to be helpful", but if that were the case, their charity would be far more universal. But, as most women can tell you, that is not the case.
Now, I know not ever girl who does this is stupid. It is the height of manipulation to use your "charms" to get what you want when you know that people, men in particular, will fulfill your every request because you are semi-hot. And, to those women I say, shame on you. May you all have to live as a average woman for one day of your life, and do your own bidding.
But, this woman I encountered was truly stupid. Come on, not knowing how to turn on a car air conditioner? That is a new all time low for helplessness. In nature, she would be killed next to the watering hole by the hungry lion. But, in our society, she will get by, will the help of others. While not attractive, per se, she does possess the winning combo of thin and blonde that will no doubt carry her straight through life, unscathed.
And, before you tell me I'm just a fat, ugly, bitter, old hag; let me just say to you. . .I am not old.
Monday, May 29, 2006
War Torn
I sat and watched Baghdad ER tonight, and I cried. I saw this huge, young Marine get operated on, after taking shrapnel to the chest from an IED. He wouldn't stop bleeding, and it became clear that he was going to die soon. The chaplain leaned down and said to him that they wanted him to fight. But, if he couldn't fight anymore, it was okay to let go. And, he died. While it was happening, this group of doctors and nurses prayed over his body. Then he was gone.
The soldier didn't know this chaplain, but at least he had someone there, telling him it was okay, and that he wasn't alone. How many soldiers over there have had to die all alone, blown up on the side of some sand road? If you have ever had to tell someone you love, lying in a bed dying, that it was okay to let go, you know it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. And, this chaplain had to do it way too much I'm sure. He may not know these young soldiers, but you could see how much he cared for all of them.
When will all of this stop? When is it ever going to be enough?
The soldier didn't know this chaplain, but at least he had someone there, telling him it was okay, and that he wasn't alone. How many soldiers over there have had to die all alone, blown up on the side of some sand road? If you have ever had to tell someone you love, lying in a bed dying, that it was okay to let go, you know it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. And, this chaplain had to do it way too much I'm sure. He may not know these young soldiers, but you could see how much he cared for all of them.
When will all of this stop? When is it ever going to be enough?
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